Learning that your partner has been unfaithful can be devastating. Moving on with your life can be equally difficult. These five strategies will help you manage the pain and make sound decisions regarding your relationship and your life.
Take One Day At a Time
Don't make any major decisions shortly after learning your partner has been unfaithful. Reflect on your time together and determine what issues outside of the infidelity need to be addressed. Think twice about immediately discussing the matter with your family or your partner's family. If you need to share your feelings, talk to a close friend, seek counseling or begin a journal to record your thoughts and emotions.
Talk To Your Partner
When you feel ready, talk to your partner about his or her affair and ask any questions necessary to encourage healing. Understand that the answers you receive may not satisfy you and know that your partner may not be able to provide a logical reason for his or her infidelity. Finding peace of mind may require you to accept the information you are given and learn not to dwell on details or circumstances surrounding the act of infidelity.
Be Practical
Determine what boundaries you need if you choose to continue the relationship. Before ending things completely, examine your finances, housing and employment options. Make a plan and know where you will live and how you will support yourself.
Take Care of Your Health
Physical reactions such as nausea, diarrhea, insomnia, nervousness, difficulty concentrating, loss of appetite or binge eating are common after learning of an affair. To maintain your physical and emotional health, sleep regular hours, exercise, drink plenty of water and spend time with family and friends. If you and your partner choose to continue the relationship, you should both be tested for HIV and sexually transmitted diseases before resuming sexual intimacy without protection.
Expect a Roller Coaster of Emotions
Understand that feelings of rage, uncertainty, shock, fear, depression and confusion are normal and may continue for a year or longer. Healing from the pain of an affair takes time. A sense of shock and mistrust will not disappear simply because you have chosen to forgive your partner. Regardless of whether or not you remain in the relationship, it is important to realize that it has changed and that you will need time to grieve and heal.
For more information on infidelity read Five Surprising Reasons Men Cheat. To help affair-proof your relationship read Five Simple Steps To Keep Your Partner From Cheating.
Sources:
- Linda J. MacDonald, How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful, Healing Counsel Press, November 2010.
- Dennis C. Ortman, Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder: The Six Stages of Healing, Celestial Arts, April 2009.
- Douglas K. Snyder PhD, Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help you Cope, Heal and Move On, The Guilford Press, Jauary 2007.
- Jania Abrahams Spring, After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, Harper Paperbacks, January 1999.
- Don-David Lusterman, Infidelity: A Survival Guide, New Harbinger Publishing, May 1998
Danielle McGinnis - Danielle McGinnis is the mother of a college freshman and full-time freelance writer.
