Few issues can cause as much heartache and devastation as infidelity. Ending a relationship is not necessarily inevitable after one partner has been unfaithful. A damaged relationship can be repaired through a process which slowly rebuilds trust and intimacy. Although it may be difficult, some couples emerge from infidelity with a stronger, more trusting partnership. These five strategies can help put your relationship on the road to recovery.
End the Affair
The person who has been betrayed cannot begin to heal until they are assured the affair has completely ended. That means the cheating partner must eliminate all evidence of the relationship and stop all contact with the person he or she cheated with. In some cases it may be necessary to shop at different stores, switch departments at work or join a different gym.
Be Accountable
To create a trusting environment, all deception must be replaced with openness and honesty. The person who had the affair must agree to be accountable and willing to let his or her partner know where he or she is at all times. Some therapists recommend using a GPS enabled cell phone and tracking software so a partner's whereabouts can be verified.
Discuss What Has Occurred
At some point, the deceived partner may want to know details of the affair. They may feel a need to put all the missing pieces together and try to understand why the betrayal occurred. The partner who has cheated must show patience, be willing to share the requested information and understand that breaking down the walls of deception is one of the best ways to rebuild intimacy.
Examine Other Weaknesses in the Relationship
Discuss what aspects of your relationship may have led to the affair. Often, couples need the assistance of a marriage counselor. Seeking help does not indicate weakness or failure. It should be viewed as a way to develop methods which can be used to rebuild trust.
Define What Being Faithful Means To You
Discuss what being faithful and committed means to you and encourage your partner to share his or her thoughts. Some people believe they are only involved in an affair if sexual contact has occurred. Others believe an emotional connection with another person also qualifies as cheating. Ensure both you and your partner are on the same page and have a clear understanding of what you define as being unfaithful.
Not every relationship affected by infidelity can be saved. Sometimes too much damage will have occurred for a reconciliation to be considered. However, if both parties are committed and determined to rebuild the trust, the end result can be a partnership which is deep, honest and intimate.
For additional information read How to Cope After Learning Your Partner Has Been Unfaithful and Five Simple Steps to Keep Your Partner From Cheating.
Sources:
- Douglas K. Snyder PhD, Getting PhD, Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal and Move On - Together or Apart, The Guilford Press, January 2007.
- Rona B. Subotnik and Gloria Harris, Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering From the Pain, Adams Media Corporation, June 2005.
- Janis A. Spring, How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not To, Harper Paperbacks, February 2005.
- Marcella Bakur Weiner, Repairing Your Marriage After His Affair: A Woman's Guide to Hope and Healing, Three Rivers Press, September 1998.
Danielle McGinnis - Danielle McGinnis is the mother of a college freshman and full-time freelance writer.
