There are several well-known myths regarding infidelity. Separating the myths from the truth can help place a relationship on the right track after an affair and promote healing. In Part 1 of a two part series, learn the top ten myths about cheating and the most common reasons a partner may stray.
Myth: An Affair Only Occurs When There Are Serious Problems in a Relationship.
Truth: Often, the reason a person cheats has no connection with their feelings towards their partner. Rather, an affair is used as a way of dealing with certain situations, change, or as a way of avoiding certain issues. Some people cheat to escape pending responsibility, such as the birth of a child. Others are unfaithful because they are looking for excitement or a sense of self worth.
Myth: It's Only Cheating if Sexual Intercourse Takes Place
Truth: A broad but accurate definition of infidelity is "a betrayal of trust." Trust can be breached in different ways which don't involve a physical relationship. An emotional affair, where two people share an intimate emotional connection but don't have a sexual relationship, can be considered cheating. Other types of non-sexual affairs are phone sex or computer sex.
Myth: People Who Have Affairs No Longer Love Their Partner
Truth: Although some affairs occur when two people fall out of love, studies have shown that the majority of people who cheat still have deep feelings for their partner. For some women, an empty nest may trigger the desire to become involved with another man. Some men are tempted to cheat right before they are married or as they approach middle age. These types of affairs have no connection with a person's feelings towards their partner. They are an indication of an inability to handle change or used as a way to avoid confronting real issues.
Myth: People Who Cheat Don't Have a Healthy Sexual Relationship With Their Partner
Truth: The majority of people who cheat do so because of emotional issues rather than sexual reasons. In surveys, most people who have been unfaithful admitted that although they had a regular sexual relationship with their partner, they were unfaithful because they were seeking some type of emotional gratification which was absent from their primary relationship.
Myth: A Person Who Has Been Unfaithful Will Continue to Cheat
Truth: People have affairs for different reasons. Just because a man or woman cheated once does not mean he or she will automatically be a repeat offender. Understanding the reasons why a person cheated can help resolve problems in a relationship and prevent further infidelity.
For more information on relationships and infidelity read Part 2 of this series and Actions to Avoid After Learning Your Partner Has Been Unfaithful.
Sources:
- Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha, Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray and What It Means for Modern Relationships, Harper Perennial, July 2011.
- Stephen Rensselaer Smith, The Causes of Infidelity Removed, Ford Press, September 2010.
- Nicholas Joseph LaForet, Why Men Do Not Believe; Or, the Principal Causes of Infidelity, General Books, December 2009.
- Rona B. Subotnik and Gloria Harris, Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering From the Pain, Adams Media, June 2005.
- David P. Barash Ph.D, The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People, W.H. Freeman, May 2001.
- Frank Pittman, Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy, W.W. Norton & Company, November 1990.
Danielle McGinnis - Danielle McGinnis is the mother of a college freshman and full-time freelance writer.
