You've gathered evidence against your partner and you've confirmed, without a doubt, that he or she has been unfaithful. Knowing what to do next can be a difficult decision. Most people allow anger, hurt and a desire for revenge to control their behavior, not realizing their actions may cause further damage and make it more difficult to salvage the relationship.
In part one of a two part series, learn the key behaviors you should avoid during this difficult time.
Don't Ask Your Partner To Leave - Yet
Asking your partner to leave after learning he or she has been unfaithful should not be a first move. Instead, it should be used as a last resort. One of the wisest things to do after confirming your mate has had an affair is to keep him or her close so you're up to date on what is occurring in his or her life. It is much easier to keep your finger on the pulse of the affair when the two of you are together. This will enable you to gather facts, monitor the frequency of contact with his or her lover and enable you to make an informed decision about the relationship when the time is right.
Don't Immediately Share the News With Friends and Relatives
It is normal to want to confide in a close friend about your partner's infidelity or to gather family members to your side, but you should be selective about who you share the details with. Telling your partner's family or friends may not result in the compassion you're seeking. They may not believe you or may lie, make excuses, take your partner's side or encourage him or her to cover their tracks. Often people may recall infidelity several months or even years after the situation has been resolved. If you choose to reconcile, friends or family members could make things uncomfortable by showing hostility towards your partner or resentment towards you for taking him or her back.
Don't Focus on the Person Your Partner Cheated With
One of the worst things to do is to become fixated on the person your partner cheated with. Although some curiosity is normal, repeatedly questioning your partner about this person or bringing his or her name into conversations keeps the spotlight focused on the affair instead of your relationship. Don't obsess about the affair. Instead, focus on resolving any differences between you and your partner which may have lead to the infidelity.
For additional information on romance and Infidelity read How to Catch a Partner You Suspect is Cheating and Five Surprising Reasons Women Cheat.
Sources:
- Janis Abrahms Spring, After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, Harper Paperbacks, January 1990.
- Janis A. Spring, How Can I Forgive You?, Harper Paperbacks, February 2005.
- Linda J. MacDonald, How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual For the Unfaithful, Healing Counsel Press, November 2010.
- Douglas K. Snyder PhD, Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal and Move On - Together or Apart, The Guilford Press, January 2007.
Danielle McGinnis - Danielle McGinnis is the mother of a college freshman and full-time freelance writer.
